burn down the trailer park
by archy the cockroach
Summary: zexion's truck breaks down, squall is sexy when he's angry and lexaeus drives the crapmobile. joy, oh, joy. [lexaeus.zexion, AU]


oh god. i've started a new chapter-fic. though, it's not nearly as 'epic' or lengthy as gin & sin, it guarantees for a good dosage of crack. i wanted to write it to put a spin on cliche high-school AUs. so, i made lexaeus trailer trash, and zexion the flamingly gay kid with pence as his father. HOORAY.

also, this takes place in rural canada, probably in alberta or british columbia. as i get into the story, i might localize exactly where it is, but for now, it's just some small town in canada. oh, and **tim horton's** is the canadian equivalent of starbucks.

and as for the characterization of zexion in this fic, he's very ARROGANT. because that's how he was in CoM. xD but he's naive and silly at the same time. oh, zexion.

burn down the trailer park  
pairing: lexaeus/zexion  
warnings: language, cid talking like a hick, mild OOC  
rating: PG-13, overall  
a/n: introductory chapter. the song used for the title is 'burn down the trailer park' by billy ray cyrus. the song inside is 'achy breaky heart' by billy ray cyrus. waha.

* * *

…_can tell your Ma, I moved to Arkansas, you can tell your dog—_

Zexion promptly flicked off the radio. He didn't have a CD player or even a goddamn tape cassette player, so the radio usually had to do. But they only had one channel.

Bringing his hand back to the steering wheel, he glowered at the road ahead of him. "Why does small-town radio suck so hard?" he asked himself, pressing down the gas pedal a little harder. He was along a particularly desolate road, and there weren't any cops around for miles. In reality, there weren't a whole lot of cops around anyway, since they usually sat on their fat asses at Tim Horton's chugging down doughnuts.

Hunched over his steering wheel, Zexion continued to stare down the road in some kind of retarded death match. He could hear his engine start to putter. _The road is your enemy. The road is your enemy. Oh, for fuck's sake, truck, don't die on me now!_

Surely enough, the engine died. Right then and there. Zexion just continued to glare at the road as his truck rolled to a stop, teetering on the road and a ditch, almost threatening to fall over. Zexion just stayed there, right eyelid twitching as he still kept himself clamped to the steering wheel.

He stayed in that very position for the next two and a half hours.

At around that point when the sun had finally begun to set, Zexion heard the sound of a car (missing its muffler, sadly) in the distance. He still didn't move out of his Gollum-like position, eye still twitching madly as a rusty brown station wagon pulled up beside him.

Finally moving out of his position, Zexion heard the distinct sound of his back cracking. Wincing at the sensation, he crawled over to the passenger seat, having to pull up the too-loose sweatpants to keep his ass from hanging out in front of a potentially old couple, or someone equally easily-offended.

Instead, he found himself face-to-face with the resident linebacker, Lexaeus Brown. Or Smith. Or Fhghdshah. Something Zexion couldn't remember, either way. Behind him sat Mr. Scarface himself, Squall Leonheart. Zexion blinked and unconsciously backed away from the window. They were both rather scary to an innocent little gay boy. Squall always looked like he was ready to rip off everybody's head and then devour their insides, while Lexaeus was just plain gigantic. Neither of them said much at school, but Zexion secretly thought that both of them were probably cannibals or something.

After all, it was really easy to imagine Lexaeus chowing down on some Axel-brains.

Idiotic male cheerleaders.

Zexion shook his head, finally gaining the nerve to kick open the passenger door when Lexaeus started getting out of his own vehicle. He only kicked the door because it wouldn't open with the handle—it had been broken off around the time his grandfather owned the truck.

Both Squall and Lexaeus had gotten out of the station wagon and were now slowly approaching Zexion, who was hurriedly attempting to pick cookie crumbs off of his Batgirl t-shirt. When the three finally met between the two cars, there was an awkward moment of silence until Zexion finally spoke up.

"Truck died," he stated, never one to beat around the bush. Lexaeus and Squall exchanged looks for a second, before the shorter teen stalked over to the hood of Zexion's truck. Pulling himself up onto the bumper, he was finally tall enough to see whatever he needed to see. Popping the hood, Squall immediately disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Zexion continued to grumble under his breath and scowl while Lexaeus simply watched Squall work. With the tiny brunette bent over into the front of his truck, Zexion got a rather splendid view of his ass. Musing, Zexion realized that the cheerleaders _were _right. Squall probably had the best ass he'd ever seen. And man, did those worn, leather pants look great on him.

Lexaeus had then noticed Zexion's fixation on his friend's ass, so he nudged the blue-haired boy in the arm. "He's taken, you know," said the large man, quietly. Zexion flicked an agitated look up to the football player.

"Doesn't mean I can't look," said the shorter boy. Lexaeus gave an inquiring look, but didn't say much more. Zexion knew that Squall was dating some girl named Rinoa or something, but to Zexion, she looked like a total flaky bitch who didn't deserve someone like Squall. _Oh well. None of my business._

Finally, Squall stood up straight again, having to balance himself on the hood so he didn't fall off of the bumper. "Carburetor's shot," he said, wiping something rather black off of his face, and only really succeeding in smudging it. He jumped back onto the pavement, walking over to Zexion and staring the boy in the face. "You should take it to Cid."

"No, I'll just fix it myself and die of electrocution," replied Zexion, sarcastically. Squall frowned, wrinkling the odd scar on the bridge of his nose as he did so. Glancing up to Lexaeus, Squall didn't say a word as he stormed over to the passenger side of the station wagon, and hid himself inside the machine, slamming the door as he did so. Zexion smirked. "I bet I pissed him off. He's hot when he's angry."

"And you need a ride," said Lexaeus, shaking his head in disbelief. He didn't have his cell phone, and Squall wasn't social enough to even have one and he knew from word around school that Zexion wasn't exactly the most financed kid, ever. He walked over to the back door of the station wagon, nearly ripping the door off of its hinges as he opened it. A little embarrassed of his own strength, he covered it up by speaking to Zexion, "Get in."

Zexion cocked an eyebrow. "Into that thing? It looks like it'll break down any second," stated the blue-haired boy. Lexaeus stared at Zexion's smoking truck in ironic cruelty, and Zexion begrudgingly locked his own truck and entered the station wagon.

The trip back into town was awkward, to say the least. Squall just stared at his boots, hating Zexion with every fiber of his being. Lexaeus wasn't one to talk, so he just fixed his concentration on the road. Zexion talked to himself in the back seat, wanting to fill the silence with something other than Billy Ray Cyrus, who always got over-played on the local radio.

Small-town folk always had such bad choice in music.

Zexion found himself bothered that there were no seat-belts in the back seat. Actually, the back seat was missing a back seat, so Zexion was kind of crammed into the middle with half of his ass hanging off into the abyss that was the murky-blue carpet adorning the bottom of the station wagon. He really wondered how old the vehicle was, though surely, it was old.

Moving along a bumpy, gravelly country road made Zexion's ass hurt. So he complained about it for a little while, until Squall damn near growled at him. And Squall was scary (but hot) when he was angry. So, Zexion shut himself up.

When they finally got back into the general area of town, Zexion was less than thrilled. His ass was numb and the other people in the vehicle wouldn't say more than a word to him. "So what the hell do we do now? I mean, am I supposed to just abandon my truck?" whined Zexion.

Squall scoffed again. "No. We'll get Cid to use the tow truck to get your truck, and he'll fix it. He'll probably charge you a lot, though," said the brunette, grimly. Zexion's mood only darkened, as he knew he really didn't have a whole lot of money to pay for truck repairs.

"Fan-friggin-tastic," muttered the blue haired boy, ignoring the fact that Lexaeus was softly laughing at him. They drove around some particularly winding roads, and by the time they made it to Cid's garage, Zexion felt like he was going to pass out.

As soon as Zexion opened the door to get out of the station wagon, he tripped and fell flat onto his face, literally kissing the pavement. Lexaeus was the second person out of the car, and being the type of person that he was, he looked down to the rather comatose Zexion. "Are you all right?" he asked, in his usual soft-spoken tone.

"Nmghp," Zexion told the pavement.

"Do you want some help up?" inquired Lexaeus, blinking at the thin boy who hadn't even bothered to get up. He heard Squall slam the door shut, and pace his way over to where the other two stood.

"Ghnh fnghah ymghslf."

Squall scoffed, immediately pulling Zexion up by the back of his shirt. As soon as the blue-haired boy was up to his feet, the ever-present scowl was back on his bruised face. "I meant to do that."

Squall raised an eyebrow, turning on his heel and heading towards the rather small, run-down building that was Cid's garage. "Whatever," he snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets and marching into the building. "Hurry up." Lexaeus and Zexion exchanged looks, before following the grouchy boy into the garage.

"FUCKIN' BASTARDS EATIN' YER CAKE OH GOD, SELPHIE, SHUT UP 'BOUT YER GODDAMN ACNE WE DON' GIVE A SHIT AND JESUS CHRIST FUJIN YER BEIN' AN IDIOT, SAY MORE THAN ONE WORD. SQUALL WHERE THE HELL HAVE YE BEEN AND OH—"

Cid glanced to the doorway. "Cust'mers!"

Lexaeus and Zexion blinked in unison. Cid forced a grin around a half-finished cigarette, while Squall pinched the bridge of his nose to scare off an on-coming headache. Selphie whirled around and immediately squealed, covering her face and tearing off up the stairs. Evidently, the garage was also a house full of orphans. _Goody._

"Yeah. You know Lexaeus, but this is Zexion. His truck broke down around Kirkpatrick street, out of town," Squall said, barely able to look Cid in the face. He had lived with the man (his adopted 'father') ever since he was a child, but the aging mechanic still acted like a juvenile delinquent. Fujin glanced to both Zexion and Lexaeus, before dismissing them to turn back to the motorcycle she had previously been working on.

Cid glanced at the blue haired boy. "So, I'm guessin' yeh wan' me ta git yer truck?"

_I can speak gibberish too. E fyhd du pyhk ouin ytubdat cuh._

Zexion nodded, instead. "Yeah. Squall said the carbmahburetor thing was broken," said the boy, not really understanding mechanic speak. Cid broke into a grin, taking a final drag on his cigarette before stuffing it into a half-finished bottle of iced tea, letting it die out with a few other old cigarettes.

"Thas no prob. Jes describe it 'n'I'll git it righ' now."

After a few moments of sardonic description, Cid bid everyone a rather vulgar farewell before going on his merry way to find Zexion's monster truck. And thus, Lexaeus, Zexion and Squall were left with the boy-phobic Selphie and Fujin, who really didn't want to have anything to do with anyone but her lovely little motorbike.

"…So," grumbled Squall, glancing up to the stairs. Lexaeus got the general meaning of Squall's words, so he quickly made up his own sentence.

"We were going to go study for that chemistry test before we found you," said Lexaeus, rather slowly. He really needed to study for that, because he couldn't remember half of what the teacher had said.

Zexion raised an eyebrow. "I don't have biology," he deadpanned, "but that's fine. I can't get home because I live about thirty minutes out of town, so I'll—"

"Annoy us?" finished Squall, rolling his eyes. He tromped up the stairs into the living area of the two-story garage/house, not even caring if anyone else followed. Zexion stared at his ass as he left, but didn't do much else.

Lexaeus couldn't help but give a tiny smile. "I don't think he likes you," said the burly man, looking down to Zexion. In reality, Squall didn't 'like' a lot of people. He mostly just tolerated them.

"No shit, Sherlock," retorted Zexion, following Squall up the stairs.

* * *

the 'gibberish' that zexion says is actually al bhed. go google a translator and translate it yourself. xD


End file.
